One-Eyed Cyclops Passenger

     For the most part, the type of passengers we fly around the world are very nice, thoughtful and are great to be around. But every now and then we come across one that is just a royal pain in the ass! I had one recently flying into the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport. 
     I will start by saying that people flying in and out of this airport are generally very nice and polite. So I don't know where this one creeped in from. But for my blog sake, we'll call her "Bitchy Sassafras" because that's what her name sounded like. She was the type of person who -- you could just tell -- thought that world must evolve around her. She wanted people to think she was something she was not.  Let's just say, she and I didn't hit it off too well when she boarded my aircraft and then tried to set the tone of the flight.
     Ms. Sassafras was one of the first to board the plane. She resembled a greasy, dirty, overweight Cyclops monster. I was not initially sure if she was truly disabled or if she was suffering from a shiner to the eye. But I gave the disheveled-looking creature the benefit-of-the-doubt. She immediately showed me her ticket, as if trying to establish something with me, and then asked me where was her seat. Unfortunately, for me, it was in first class, where I was working.
     As I started to get drinks ready to offer my first class passengers, my flying partner, who was greeting at the door, asked if I could relieve her so that she could take an unaccompanied minor to their seat and get the child settled in. So I took her position at the door and greeted the rest of the passengers coming on board.
    That's when I heard a flight attendant call bell go off in the first class cabin. I looked around the corner to see who it was. You guessed it! It was in Ms. Sassafras' row. I tried to make eye contact with her to tell her I would be there shortly, but since she only had one eye, that wasn't too successful. So I noted it in the back of my mind to check on her when my flying partner came back to the front door.
     You see, Federal Aviation Administration rules prohibit a commercial airliner's front door from being left unattended while passengers are boarding, in case a sudden emergency evacuation is necessary.  Somebody has to be at the door to guide passengers to the only open exit during the time. There is no veering from this federal law.
     And with staffing cuts at most major airlines, I didn't have anyone to guard the door while I answered the call bell. Since nobody looked like they were dying or suffering from a heart attack, I knew I would get to it as soon as my flying partner returned.
     Well she returned shortly, with an ugly-looking shawl-type sweater in her hand. She told me how the obese passenger in first class was a real bitch and had just chastised her for nobody answering her call bell in a prompt manner. You see, apparently Ms. Sassafras expected everybody to jump when she rang.
     So I decided to pay her a visit at her seat and  educate her about rules and regulations flight attendants must follow when it comes to the FAA and boarding time. I explained, like at all major carriers, staffing at my airline has been cut, and there are not enough flight attendants to do all the extra luxury-type things during boarding. For example in first class:  hanging coats, taking personal drink orders, and leaving the front door with nobody there.
       "Well unfortunately the full price I paid for my ticket wasn't cut," said Ms. Sassafras, trying to focus on me with her one eye. "So that's not my problem."
      The rest of the first class passengers sitting around her looked amazed at her comment. You could tell each one of them was uncomfortable with her retort. 
      So I took a deep breath, stood back, and with a smile, suggested she write a letter with her concerns to my airline and the FAA. But the one-eyed bitch wanted to continue to argue with me, as if she wanted us to know that she was flying first class.  With her rotund, ugly figure, and boisterous comments, how could we NOT!
       "Patience is a virtue," I told her, as I walked away.
       Now what makes this whole story funny, is once the gate agent brought me the paperwork I immediately looked to see --  for one --  who this ugly-ass was --  and two -- how much did she REALLY pay for her ticket. It was immediately clear the "prima donna"  was NOT one of our high mileage fliers, and she did NOT pay full price for her ticket! She was probably one of the free upgrades some airlines are now giving out to members of their frequent flier programs.
       That's when I realized, her eye that I fist thought had a disability, now looked more like someone had socked her in it, probably for mouthing off one too many times. It was black and blue, puffy and partially closed. "Damn!" I thought to myself. "Someone must have done me the honor!"