Drama With the Mama

     Well wouldn't you know it. My first trip back from being off for a month, and it turns out to be academy-award winning material. Drama to the hilt with a female passenger from hell. A Brazilian mama who thought she was going to get the best of our cabin crew.
      What was supposed to be a five hour trek from San Francisco to Washington DC turned out to be more strenuous than any of the flight attendants working the flight expected. And  the irony of it all, was that I really had nothing to do with  it. But somehow, by the end of the flight, she had managed to get into some type of altercation with every crew member and pissed every one of us off. And many of the passengers for that matter, too.
      My first clue that this woman was going to be a problem was when I went to check in with the gate agent at SFO. This woman was ranting and raving to the customer service agent about something. I didn't stick around to find out what her problem was. I got checked off on the crew sign in sheet, and boarded the airplane.
     So passenger boarding began and everyone seemed to be very pleasant... That was until the  deviant woman, traveling with her over sized "lap child",  boarded at the last minute as the doors were about to shut. She came rushing on, bringing with her a cloud of drama.
     Turns out, overhead luggage space had pretty much tapped out for the full flight. There was no room for her now over sized suitcase.
    The gate agent, who obviously had enough of this woman outside the aircraft, demanded that she hand over her suitcase so that it could be checked in the belly of the Boeing 757. But this woman kicked and screamed, telling the agent she couldn't check it, because it had all her baby supplies inside.
     So the purser working our flight, a mother also, was nice enough to side with the woman. She accommodated her bag and stowed it in the first class closet. Now mind you, the purser suggested to the mother that she get out any supplies she might need. Like diapers, baby wipes, food, baby formula, toys, etc. The trouble -- for us --  was just beginning.
     So as we are taxing out to the runway, the Brazilian mother, got up out of her seat -- at the rear of the aircraft -- and walked --  baby in arms --  to the front of the plane. Talk about putting your child at risk. Just one sharp turn of the airplane, or a sudden stop, and that mother could have fallen with the child. But she was on a mission. She wanted more items from her suitcase some 50 rows up in the closet.
    The purser instructed her that everyone needed to be seated during aircraft movement on the ground. It's a Federal Aviation Regulation. Not to mention she was distracting other passengers from watching and listening to the all-important safety video. The mother wanted to argue about what is in black and white and what we are hired to enforce. 
     I'm guessing because of cultural differences (in her country flight attendants are considered "servants"), this woman had no sense for authority and rules enforced by the cabin crew. Her actions would have made you think she was on her own private plane, immune to rules and regulations. Other passengers, including our Federal Air Marshals traveling on board, began to take notice of this out-of-control-woman.
     So she began to shout and scream to the purser about not having access to her bag. Immediately, flight attendants questioned each other as to whether this woman might be a decoy for a bigger problem:  a terrorist group that might be on board. After all, we were working a transcontinental flight, coast-to-coast, with an airplane loaded with fuel leaving one of the cities that terrorists  would love to target, San Francisco, with the Golden Gate Bridge.
     Immediately, we all kicked into security mode planted that in the back of our heads.
     We told her that once we finished our climb out, and the seatbelt sign was turned off, she could get what she needed from her bag in first class.
     So we get into the air, begin the food and beverage service, 200-plus pound carts in the aisle, and the "mama with the drama" gets up and demands we let her by to get something out of her suitcase in the front of the plane. So we accommodated her. But then she did it again. And then again!
     By now the rest of the passengers were annoyed because it was taking us forever to do a service that should have only taken us an hour. It was already two hours into the flight and not even half of the 158 passengers in the back had been served a beverage.
     So the purser, once again explained to the woman, that she could not be interfering with the service and constantly demanding to come to the front of the plane.
     But it gets better. Then the mother became irate when she found out that there is no baby changing table in the lavatory. The plane is 30 years old and was designed when there were no such tables back in the day. God forbid she have to improvise. Or use her creative mind like mothers did back in the day.
     Once again, she stopped our service to argue with us about that, accusing the airline of "not being kid friendly."  We suggested to her how she might complete her motherly task, problem free. We even offered her the galley floor (a big no-no because of sanitary reasons), with pillows and blankets to change the baby's diaper. Anything just to get this woman off our backs. But she wanted a fight. AGAIN!!!!
      Then she started complaining to all the passengers around her about the airline and how they are "depriving me of changing my baby's poopy diaper."  She complained to them that there was not enough room in the seat for her and her kid. Never mind that she should have purchased him a seat if she wanted more room. It went on and on. It was unreal.
     Finally, when everyone on the plane was being dis serviced, we decided to put a stop to it. The air marshals already had out their handcuffs and were ready to use them on this crazy lady. The captain, already in the loop from the get-go, had told us if she became a problem, we would divert our flight and drop her off at an airport along the way. But first, HE wanted to talk to her. He wanted us to put up a security barrier in first class so he could come out of the cockpit and talk to her, a total violation against company policy.
     We told him we did not feel comfortable doing that because, if there were sleeper terrorists on board, that would be an invitation for them to try and overpower him and take over the plane. He felt comfortable doing this, he said, because there were air marshals on board. Flight attendants did not feel the same way.
      So we met half way. The captain asked the flight attendants to bring the now sobbing and screaming mother to the galley inter phone so he could talk to her from the cockpit. And once again, she now began arguing with the captain.
    Now mind you, while all this is going on, we had to once again put our service for the rest of the passengers on hold to deal with the lunatic of a woman.
     Finally, after the captain instructed her to follow rules and take her seat, otherwise face being taken off somewhere midpoint and arrested, this mother seemed to calm down. She took her seat, but continued trying to round up support from surrounding passengers, who had no sympathy for her. For everyone, it was a very uncomfortable situation.
     She finally did settle down. But only after other passengers began warning her that she might face arrest for the problems she was creating. Her final stop that night was going to be Buenos Aires, but passengers told her that if she got arrested, she would not make it that far.
     I could see it now, a United States jail cell already had her name on it. And my airline would be on CNN for having a mother arrested and her baby taken away from her and sent into protective custody. It would be tomorrow's headline news! Worldwide!!
    Well, how did this all end? I'm not quite sure. We landed safely in Washington DC and she was met by airline customer service supervisors. We had to run and catch a connecting flight that night. So I'm not certain if she ever made her final destination. But I'm sure I'll hear from company management soon and forced to write a report about what happened, or at least my version of what I saw. I'm just thankful I got the names, addresses and phone numbers of passengers who said they would testify for the excellent job of crew members and the awful job of mothering.
    Stay tuned.